I am not a fan of magic. Sleight of hand. Prestidigitation.

Anything that is trying to fool me into thinking that something is either there or not there while giving the illusion to the opposite is unsettling. Just give it to me so that I can understand it for what it is without the smoke and mirrors.

A few times in my life I have heard of people that say that something came upon them and that they never saw it coming.

Is that a good or bad thing?

I try never to stick my head in the sand and refuse to acknowledge what is dancing in front of my face for attention and notice.

While I have said it is like a white curtain in front of my eyes that is NOT to say that is how I live my life. I do not live with a white veiled curtain in front of my life guarding me and insulating me from all that is out there. I get my share of shocks and sudden appearances that it might be nice if I could retreat into a room with walls to keep things out. That is an illusion of protection.

What I think people must recognize as the greatest form of deception and that is the things we tell ourselves that are not true. Thoughts can be like a swinging pendulum that really has a wide ark.

For instance, as I have written I am currently looking for work. It is a tough job market out there and I acknowledge that… So one could either imagine that I am not job worthy or that to be over looked would be a huge disservice to the planet. Both are inaccurate and are the outliers in this round of dissolution.

Here is another thing I offer as smoke and mirrors to prop myself up: there is plenty of time, what is the hurry.

How about: Most people are well meaning and that they mean no harm at all and have no ulterior motive.

Or: If I had only said this or done that things would have turned out so much better.

Having eyeballs that do not see clearly makes for a whole different kind of magic. I wished they saw the things that were right in front for all to see, but they do not.

The magic in this case is bad magic if I thought of this VI as the worst thing to ever come upon me. It is not. I have far worse things going on that trumps by far my small inconvenience of a loss of vision through my eyes. Being non visual is like a magic trick that I play on myself with regards to others interpretation of my skills. I once was telling a prospective employer that if everyone else is at one level I moved my hand higher to indicate that I see myself a having to accomplish and be that much better. Over and above. That might be part of the illusionary hand trickery that in all instances I might not be able to achieve.

Another practical illusion is when I show up for that job interview all polished up and spit shined and having the most can-do attitude plastered on my face and shoulder to the grind-stone persona, inside I am really wondering if they can see the flaws and short comings that might not be obvious on the printed paper I gave them touting all of my accomplishments.

In this instance the pendulum swings wide and it is not in my glaring lack nor in my fabulous accomplishments but somewhere in the middle. The center of the road where I can do lots of things, have some areas that need to be bolstered up but a willingness to strive to want both, the good and the lacking.

Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat. Or more perfectly, a job.

Blessings, Denise

From the writer of seeingdifferences.com