Recently I was blogging on about job applications and how I was going to conquer the world with my “can do” attitude.

Turns out I am not as much of a roaring lion as I would have wanted you all to believe.

I have a good friend who agreed to drive me down to the location that had called about the job posting to be a product picker in a warehouse. The job description said that I would need to walk between 5-15 miles a day. That would be great for my waistline and I would look great in the casket as that much walking would kill me. Next.

I would have to go up and down stairs and be able to carry 49 pounds worth of product. I could do that I meekly said.

Then I said the most honest thing in the interview process. I admitted that I know how to interview and say all the right things to an employer to get them to hire me. In this instance I told her that I would be honest with her instead and not tell her what she wanted to hear but tell her what she needed to know.

A few people close to me asked why I was even going down there at all. I should save everyone the time and embarrassment and just stay home.

As a person with a visual impairment I could walk those distances, no problem.

As a visually impaired person I can go up and down stair, no problem.

As a visually impaired person I can even carry 49 pounds of product, no problem.

What I would have the most difficulty with is seeing the product I am there to retrieve. We talked at length about the adaptations that would be needed for my success on the job. Where there is a will there is a way, as the old adage goes.

Here is the real problem. I did not want the job that I was offered as a product picker in a warehouse. Does that make me a snob or just a blind princess?

I like to think of myself as a team player but I want to pick the team mates that will play along with me. My term, my way, my game.

What I feel even more disconcerting is I feel that I am trying to outrun the rules that accompany unemployment. I want to do what I want and find value and to be a contributing member of society.

I have great skills and abilities and does the fact I do not see them being best utilized in a warehouse make me seem above the rules?

These are hard questions.

Sadly, I was listening to a newscast spotlight huge flagrant fouls of the government run helps. There was a man who  was eating lobster and other high end cost foods on the taxpayers dime, How he got it was legitament and no one could figure out how to pull the plug and save us all some money.

Via e-mail from the state I have gotten tips on four jobs. A person to travel by bus to pick seasonal fruit, a discount store employee, a forklift driver and a factory helper. All are great jobs and I do not begrudge anyone the chance to take any one of them. The Bible admonishes us to not despise the day of small beginnings. It is not like I am looking to be the CEO of something; I just want to use my skills and abilities a little wiser. I am not above manual labor. It is an honest form of work.

So I write today in response to my bravado about how I would fight the injustice of not being offered a job because I do not have vision.

I am here to say I told her that I did not want the job because I don’t have vision. Now I am a turncoat  and have thrown under the bus all those who would have wanted a shot at the job and was waiting for me to blaze the trail.

I let you all down.

Years ago I saw the help/helpless phenomena work right before my eyes.

The church I was associated with had a program to help some families in the community with some basic needs. When the “needy” families did not spend the church resources quite like the congregation wanted uproar ensued. Everybody has an opinion about what is best for someone else. At what point is the common sense and well being of the person in question the better value.

As I indicated these are hard questions and for more brilliant minds than mine to solve.

I only ponder them, a lot.

Blessings, Denise

From the writer of seeingdifferences.com